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Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Earn money on internet,earnmoney on net,make money onnet!

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Part Time Jobs

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Education Jokes

JOKE OF THE MONTH: November 2004
Taxiing down the runway, the passenger jet abruptly came to a stop, turned around and returned to the gate. Eventually however, after an hour-long wait, the flight finally took off.

A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?"
"The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant.
“I hope it’s all sorted now.” Replied the nervous passenger.
"Oh yes, it’s fine now Sir, it just took us a while to find a new pilot."

Criminal Humor

TWO DUMB TRUCKERS
While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4".
"What do you think?" one asked the other.
The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"

FLOORING THE FERRARI
Doing 120 in a 65, he knew he was in trouble when the cop pulled in behind him with the roof lights on. Figuring he could just lose the cop he floored the Ferrari. 130, 140, 150 and still the cop was right on his tail. 170, 180, still could not ditch the cop. Giving up he pulled over.
The cop approached the car," Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn't give you the biggest ticket this world has ever seen"
"Well, he stated, " Just last week my wife ran off with a cop."
"SO WHAT!!!" the cop screamed.
"I thought you were trying to bring her back."

THE CORNIEST POLICE JOKE EVER!
A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."

WALKING THE BRICK
Once there was a police man and one day on duty he saw a man with a brick on a leash. Being the man that he was he went over and said to the man and said nice dog you got there.
The man replied, "it's not a dog its a brick dumb ass!"
The policeman said "I'm really sorry for wasting your time" feeling embarrassed and strolled away quickly.
When the policeman was out of site the man bent down and whispered to the brick: "Got him there didn't we Rover?"

DRUNK DRIVING STORIES
Three blokes are driving around, drinking beers and having a laugh when the driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car telling him to pull over.
The other two are really worried. "What are we going to do with our beers? We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says, "it's OK, just pull the label off your bottle and stick them on your foreheads, and the bloke pulls over.
The police officer then walks up and says, "You lads were swerving all around the road back there. Have you been drinking?"
"Oh, no, officer," says the driver, pointing to his forehead, "We're trying to give up, so we're on the patch."

Computers & IT Jokes

THE COMPUTER PROGRAMMER
A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want." Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

BILL MEETS SATAN
Eventually, Bill croaks and Satan is there to greet him. "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured.
He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all!"
"That's what everyone thinks" snickered Satan. "The bottle has a hole in it and the girl hasn't!"
"What about the PC?"
"It's got Windows 95!" laughed Satan. "And it's missing three keys,"
"Which three?"
"Control, Alt and Delete."

MICROSOFT BUYS A LITTLE TIME
In a surprise move, Microsoft chairman Bill Gates announced yesterday that he has purchased the entire calendar year of 1998. 1998 will be replaced instead by "Year-M" to be followed by actual 1998. "Windows 98 was not going to ship on schedule," Gates said. "But we couldn't change the name again... people were starting to get confused.
So instead of spending a lot of time and money on a new marketing campaign we decided just to buy 1998. That way we get an extra year to debug Windows and get it shipped for what will be the new 1998." Microsoft arranged this coup by leveraging its financial assets to bail out the Federal Government and pay off the national debt.
The IRS is being disbanded for next year, but taxes will be collected as usual with one change: all checks must be made payable to "Bill Gates." A side benefit of this purchase is that Gates now owns the judicial branch for the duration of "Year-M."
Speculators stated that Gates would likely use this opportunity to dismiss the numerous lawsuits pending against Microsoft. Gates apparently feels this would be cheaper than actually hiring lawyers to represent his rickety cases.
In a related story, God has filed suit against Gates because of his purchase, claiming time to be the sole property of God. In a counter suit, Gates claims God is a monopoly and demands that he be broken up into "deity conglomerates."
"Gosh," said Gates. "They broke up AT&T... why can't we break up God?"
Inside sources at Microsoft said that Gates was looking for an early resolution to the suit by hiring God as a programmer. Evidently, God has the exact profile that Gates is looking for in a programmer: he doesn't mind rainy climates, doesn't need any money, isn't married, and can work for at least 6 days without sleeping.
"If we could just get some employees like that," Gates lamented, "we would be able to ship Windows 98 on time.

Bar Jokes

THE DRINKS ARE ON ME
This guy staggers into a bar and shouts, "A double whisky please barman, and a drink for everyone here… and while you're at it, have one yourself."
"Well thank you sir," says the barman and proceeds to pour everyone their drinks.
Moments later the guy shouts, "Another whisky for me, and the same again for everyone else."
The bartender looks a little worried now and says, "Excuse me sir, but don't you think you should pay me for that last round first?"
The guy slurs, "I can't. I don't have any money." With this the bartender flies into a rage and literally throws the guy out of the bar.
About twenty minutes later though the guy staggers back in and shouts out, "A double whisky for me, and a drink for all my friends."
"I suppose you'll be offering me a drink too?" the barman asks, marvelling at the guy's nerve.
"Not likely," slurs the guy, "you get nasty when you've had a drink!"

DRUNK DRIVING
One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar waiting to catch any drunk drivers. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes.
Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyser test.
The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be.
The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy."

ONE SUNNY DAY IN IRELAND
One sunny day in Ireland, two men were sitting in a pub, drinking some Guinness, when one turns to the other and says "You see that man over there? He looks just like me! I think I'm gonna go over there and talk to him."
So, he goes over to the man and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me sir" he starts, "but I noticed you look just like me!"
The second man turns around and says "Yeah, I noticed the same thing. Where you from?"
"I'm from Dublin" came the reply.
"Me too! What street do you live on?"
"McCarthy street"
The second man replies, "Me too! What number is it?"
"162" the first man replies.
"Me too! What are your parents names?"
"Connor and Shannon"
The second man, almost dumbfounded says, "Mine too! This is unbelievable!"
So, they buy some more Guinness and they're talking some more when the bartenders change shifts. The new bartender comes in and goes up to the other bartender and asks "What's new today?"
"Oh nothing much, the Murphy twins are drunk again though."

FIRE ENGINE
As a drunk guy staggers out of the bar one Friday evening, a fire engine races past, siren wailing and lights flashing.
Immediately, the drunk starts chasing the engine, running as fast as he can until eventually he collapses, gasping for breath.
In a last act of desperation he shouts after the fire engine,
"If that's the way you want it, you can keep your bloody ice creams!"

AN ENGLISHMAN, AN IRISHMAN AND A SCOTSMAN
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar and each orders a pint of beer. When the drinks arrive they notice that all three pints have a fly in them.
The Englishman just looks at his pint in disgust and pushes it away.
The Irishman picks out the fly with his fingers, throws it on the floor and proceeds to drink his beer.
The Scotsman picks the fly out of his pint, and holds it over the drinking saying, "Come on you little git, spit it out!"

Political Jokes

THE FACTS OF LIFE
Boy: Dad, what's politics?
Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?
Boy: I still don't understand dad.
Dad: Think about it for a while son. That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him. The next day...
Son: Dad I understand politics now.
Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.
Son: The management is screwing the working class while the governments fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!

HILARY VISITS HOSPITAL
Hilary Clinton was taking a tour of a D.C. hospital while working to reform healthcare in the U.S. As she is touring, a doctor is explaining all the different functions of the hospital to her.
Eventually, they pass an open room in the inpatient ward, where Hilary could clearly see a middle aged man masturbating with great enthusiasm. The doctor quickly instructed the floor nurse to close the door. It was too late, Hilary had already seen. She fiercely looked at the doctor and said,
"What kind of hospital are you running here Doctor?" The doctor calmly explained to the First Lady that the man had a very rare ailment, which required him to ejaculate three times daily, or his testicles would swell and he would die. Hilary accepted the doctor's explanation and they moved on.
A few minutes later, they came across another open room, yet this time they witnessed a nurse on her knees giving a different middle aged man oral sex. Hilary was outraged and called for an immediate explanation.
"It's very simple Mrs. Clinton", said the doctor. "This man suffers from the same ailment as the last man, however he has a much better health plan."

A TALE OF TWO PIGS
Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms.
At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President"
Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary.. So, now what do you think?"
The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."

THE PUPPY TRADER
Hillary Clinton was on her way somewhere when he came across a little boy selling puppies. She stops and asks the boy "What kind of puppies are they?"
The boy replies, "They're Democratic puppies, Ma'am." With this she smiles and walks off.
Later on that day she mentions to Bill about the boy and his puppies and suggested that it might be nice to have a puppy around the house. The next week Bill was on his way to McDonald's and saw the boy and his puppies.
He stops and asks the boy, "What kind of puppies are they?"
The boy replies, "They're Republican puppies, Sir."
"Republican puppies?" Bill asked. "Last week you told my wife they were Democratic puppies."
The boy replied, "I know, Sir. But since then they opened their eyes."

ORDERING DINNER
Bill and Hillary are at a restaurant. The waiter tells them tonight's special is chicken almandine and fresh fish.
"The chicken sounds good, I'll have that," Hillary says.
The waiter nods: "And the vegetable?" he asks.
"Oh, HE'll have the fish," Hillary replies.

Animal Jokes

HOSE NAUGHTY, NAUGHTY PETS!
A man walks into a bar and says "Bartender give me a triple shot of Jack".
The bartender pours, and the man downs it, slams the glass on the bar and says "Another".
The bartender pours another. The man downs it and says "Another".
As the bartender pours the third glass he says, "Mister you drink like you have a problem. Want to talk about it?"
The man says, "Ten years, ten years I've been married to my wife, and today I go home a little early to surprise her, and I find my best friend, MY BEST FRIEND, in bed having sex with her."
The bartender says "Geez, what did you say."
The man says " I told him, BAD DOG! BAD DOG!"

THE TALKING PARROTS
A lady approaches her priest and tells him "Father, I have a problem. I have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Want to have some fun?'"
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to your problem. Bring your two female parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn the joys of praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
The next day the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. His two male parrots are holding the rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots and the female parrots say "Hi we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put the beads away, brother. Our prayers have been answered!"

THREE WISHES
A little old lady was in the kitchen one day, washing the dishes when suddenly a little genie appeared beside her.
"You've led a long and good life" the genie said, "I have come to reward you by granting you three wishes. Ask for anything you want and I will make it happen."
The old lady was surprised but cynical. Not really believing that anything would happen she decided to play along for a minute. "Ok" she said, "turn all those dirty dishes into money." With that there was a big Poof! and the dishes had turned into a big pile of cash.
"My" said the old lady, staggered that it had actually worked, "Perhaps you could make me look young and beautiful again?" There was another big poof and the woman now looked lots younger and was very good looking. Excitedly she carried on, "Can you turn my dear old cat into a handsome young man?"
Once more there was a big Poof, and the cat was replaced by a handsome young man. Smiling devilishly she turned to the young man and said "At last! Now I want to make love with you for the rest of the day and all night too!"
The young man just looked at her for moment then replied in a high pitched voice, "Well you should have thought about that before you took me to the vet's shouldn't you!"

THE RABBIT AND THE SNAKE
*A blind rabbit and a blind snake meet each other. Neither one remembers what kind of animal they are, so they decide to feel each other.
The rabbit says, "You feel me first." The snake says okay, and he starts feeling the rabbit.
He says, "Well, you have fur all over, and a little cotton tail, and two long ears, and big back feet..."
The rabbit says, "I know! I'm a rabbit! Yippee!" Then the rabbit feels the snake.
He says, "Okay, you're long and thin, and slimy all over, and there's a little forked tongue..."
The snake says, "Oh no, I'm a lawyer."

A TRIP TO THE CINEMA
A man goes into a cinema with his dog to watch a film. It's a romantic comedy and when there's a funny seen the dog starts laughing. A little later on there's a sad part and suddenly the dog starts crying.
This goes on throughout the entire film, laughing and crying at all the right places. A man sitting a few rows back has witnessed the entire thing and decides to follow the man out. In the foyer, he approaches the dog owner and says, "That's truly amazing!"
"It certainly is" The dog owner replied, "He hated the book!"

Bollywood and South Indian Actresses





Monday, April 7, 2008

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So you want to work from home, using the internet, and not have to work 12-16 hour days to make real money. Well, it can be done; some of it even while you sleep! This article will give you an idea of how to start building a business that can run itself while you do things that are important to you.

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Google Cash is a term coined by Chris Carpenter. In his amazing ebook, he teaches you how to start a profitable advertising business by using Google Adwords to promote products to people using the Google search engine. The strategy is simple. You create ads to attract interested people. When they click on your ad you are charged for that click. The visitor is directed to your site where you can sell them your product or someone else’s. The advantage is you get to leverage the Google traffic. You can purchase clicks for as low as 5 cents. Lastly, done properly, you can test dozens of different ads and campaigns allowing you to perfect your selling system.

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Work at Home

So you want to make money working at home! You are not alone. According to a recent search the term make money was typed in almost 100,000 times in one month. There are a lot of people wanting to make money working at home.

But it is interesting how many people have figured out that there is more than one way to do that. And making money working at home is one of them.

What proves to be a little harder is finding a job working at home. There are a lot of companies that are willing to sell you information lists that claim to have companies looking at work at home employees or sub-contractors.

The only one who makes out on this method is the person selling you the information. My advice is Do Not Pay To Buy Information On Companies Looking For Work At Home People.

How about this…..Start Your Own Home Business providing a product or service that there is a need for. Finding a niche in the marketplace is not as hard as it would seem. The best place to begin is with a topic you have a personal interest in. If you are going to be doing this everyday you might as well like doing it.

Choose 2 Topics: The make money at home opportunity seeker and the small business sector.Next is to choose a product that could fill a need to your market you are going into. Make a list of everything that you can think of. Nothing is to off the wall.

One thing helpful is to see what people are searching for on the internet. A really good tool for that is the search term suggestion tool with Overture


Go ahead and type in words and phrases and see what people are looking for relating to a topic you might be interested in selling a product for.

Next look at what the competition is doing. Doing a search on Google is a very good way to see what websites are out there relating to your topic.Google.com

Do not be afraid of competition, but do expect to work harder if you want to make money working at home in a competitive field. You don’t need a lot of tools to start making money working at home.

You could get by with just a good internet connection and a decent email provider to start. Don’t use a free email account like hotmail or yahoo. Be professional!

There is no doubt the biggest obstacle you will encounter is finding prospects, customers, traffic, or whatever you want to call it.

This is the number one reason people fail working from home. You have a great product or service, now how do you tell the world about it!! Pay marketers a handsome commission and residual income and support them with an excellent product and back-end service. Branch out into internet marketing and advertising from there. There is always more than one way to skin a cat, but focus on one method before you add another. Do not become a jack-of-all-trades and a master of none when it comes to marketing your business.

You have to become a sponge and spend some time and money learning how to make money working at home. Subscribe to as many newsletters, publications, etc. as your time allows you to read. BUT….Do Not Get caught up in the trap of learning, but not earning.

Take what you are learning and get in the game. Knowledge without action is a waste. If you will apply what you learn you will reap the rewards of the rapidly growing number of people who are happily making money working from home!

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ISLAME WALLPEPER 1






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Sunday, April 6, 2008

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ClickBank Tips

ClickBank Tips
Affiliate Programs, ClickBank
How To Use Clickbank To Generate Monster Ongoing Profits.
by Andrew Fox
ClickBank is the Internet’s largest digitalmarketplace, where thousands of theweb’s most popular products are soldevery day.
What what people don’t realize is howeasy it is to get started with Clickbankand how you can start generatingsales even if you have your ownproduct.
There are a few ways to do this.
1) Acquire Resale Rights to a productyou don’t own, create an page foraffiliates and supply them tools topromote and feed of their efforts.
2) Promote products as an affiliateusing Pay per Click Search Engines
So which method is best?
I’ve successfully tried both methods,both with good results.
For the beginner I recommendpromoting products as an affiliateto get used to how the system worksand to help sharpen your pay perclick search engine advertisingskills.
Acquiring Resale Rights to a hotselling product can be lucrativeventure when set up correctly.
In fact I managed to generate over$25,764 in sales for a resale licenseI paid $197 for without spendinga penny on advertising.
I was able to do this by leveragingClickbank’s instant affiliate forcewhich I teach in great depth in mynew course Dominating CB.
Once you have built a successfulcustomer and lead list thereare also several ways you canleverage this into even greaterprofits.
Clickbank is such an attractiveproposition for affiliates to use.They know they are going to getpaid twice per month and onclockwork every time.
Sometimes product ownerscomplain that the fees are higherthan the average merchantaccount but the ability to leverageit’s massive network of affiliatecan results in mega profits whendone correctly.
Warm Regards,
Andrew Fox

Tips for maximizing Your Google AdSense Revenues

Tips for maximizing Your Google AdSense Revenues
Adsense
Despite what you may hear, the Google AdSense program is not for everyone. There are some types of web sites that do poorly no matter how hard the owners try, and there are others that should be doing well but the webmaster simply isn’t putting in the effort to make things happen.Despite what you may hear, the Google AdSense program is not for everyone. There are some types of web sites that do poorly no matter how hard the owners try, and there are others that should be doing well but the webmaster simply isn’t putting in the effort to make things happen.Here are some tips to make AdSense work better for you. If you do them all and you’re still not having any luck, then you just might be running one of those sites that don’t make money
1. Determine if your visitors are “in the mood”
Like I mentioned at the top of this article, some web sites just don’t work with pay-per-click programs.The best performing sites fall into one of these categories:
• Sites where users go and expect to buy something while they are there. E-commerce sites fit the bill here..• Sites where users go to find specific information on something that they want to buy now. Music and video review sites, vacation information sites, resume building sites, etc. You don’t have to actually be selling these types of things; your site can just be a Mecca for information pertaining to these things. Then, when the visitor comes to read your content, they are more likely to click on your ads.
• Sites where people who have disposable income and a credit card like to visit. This includes sites with money management, investing and lifestyle content.
• Sites that draw a large amount of new users every day. Free coupon sites and “How to” sites are good examples.• Sites where people go who expect to read ads. Classified ads and shopping comparison sites fit into this category.
2. Make sure that your visitors don’t feel that you just want to grab their money
Give them plenty of relevant and well-written content. If writing isn’t your best skill then hire someone to do it for you. Good content brings steady traffic and steady traffic pays the bills.
3. Play by the rules
Google has some very specific Terms of Service (https://www.google.com/adsense/policies) for participating in their AdSense program. Learn those rules and follow them so you don’t lose all of your investment by getting shut out.
4. Use the tools that Google gives you
Google gives you tools for determining the best keywords for your site, measuring ad performance, and setting up different ad “channels” for fine-tuning ad results. These guys and girls are the 800 lb. Gorillas in the Pay-Per-Click market. They didn’t build these tools just to keep their programmers busy. Take advantage of their knowledge for they are very big and you are not!
5. Tweak, fine-tune and then tweak again
you should never be happy with your AdSense performance. If it’s good, then you need to make it great. If it’s great then you need to make it amazing. If it’s amazing then you need to take it to the UPS club. The UPS club? Google sends all checks over $10,000 per month to the webmaster via UPS overnight delivery. Now there’s a club that I wouldn’t mind belonging to.
6. Get more traffic
No matter how much traffic you have, you need more. More eyeballs translate to more clicks. Even if you’re only pulling a 2% click-through. That’s a lot of clicks when you have thousands of visitors each day.
7. Experiment with new keywords
new keywords can bring new ads and new eyeballs along with it. Set up some new pages on your site and experiment with different content. Once you get something that’s working then refer back to Tip # 5.
You can see results in near real time when you use Google’s AdWords. Don’t be afraid to be different. If something that everyone else is doing doesn’t work for you, then invent something that does work and get it on your site.

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